ANGER: CHALLENGE TO ADULTHOOD
“How To Be An Adult,” by David Richo, is one of my
favorites books, because in addition to the highly intelligent content,
Richo stresses the importance
of both psychological and
spiritual integration -- what I call human-potential and metaphysical.
energy of anger, Richo
says, “comes from the real or imagined sense of threat.”
actively when we show it
directly. Usually this involves the raising of one’s voice, changes in
facial expression and
gestures, and a show of
excitement and displeasure.
“Anger can also be expressed
passively, i.e. passive
aggressively. One punishes
the other without admitting one’s anger, e.g. tardiness, gossip,
silence, refusal to cooperate,
absence, rejection, malice
to cause pain, etc. Passive anger is inappropriate and not an adult way
of behaving. Strongly expressed
anger is called rage.
Strongly held anger is called hate. Unexpressed anger is resentment.
Anger can be unconsciously repressed
and internalized. It then
becomes depression, i.e. anger turned inward.”
When your husband
does not approve
of the way you’ve handled
money, your self-esteem may be threatened. Or maybe you feel his
disapproval will ripple out
into other aspects of your
life, threatening your relationship. You may have wanted to control his
reactions, and when you
could not, you felt
threatened. You wanted him to be the way you wanted him to be. But he is
what he is. We cannot control
other people’s actions or
reactions to us.
So you are really threatened by your inability
to totally control
your life -- a faulty
assumption to begin with.
In “Above All, Don’t Wobble” (Rajneesh
International), Osho says,
“In fact anger is a bondage. I am not angry with you because I am not in
bondage. I have
not been angry with anybody
for years because I don’t make anybody responsible. I am free, so why
should I be angry?
If I want to be sad, it is
my freedom. If I want to be happy, it is my freedom. Freedom cannot be
afraid, freedom cannot be
anger. Once you know that
you are your world, you have penetrated into a different kind of
understanding. Then nothing else
matters -- all else are
games and excuses.”
“I don’t make anybody responsible.” That sums
it up for me.